I......was at a point where I was too tired to even comprehend myself, think about it like this, if you're in university you will understand, you have about 12 weeks possibly in a term, and you're on the 10th week. For most people, this is the point in the term where you crack down and take things more serious than you do in the other weeks, only cause the 11th week is the exam. For us, in Performing Arts this was making us become a lot more agitated in lectures.
I remember, we just had finished presenting our piece of work, and our lecturer was giving us feedback, I was happy enough for us to receive, we needed it. However, my lecturer....after 10 weeks worth of feedback, to change, flip, make different, swap characters, move around, and make our work less naturalistic than need be, he said this one line
"oh come on guys *he laughs* I feel like I'm the only one whose giving any ideas"
Pause.
WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU TALKING BOUT????, I was about to....forgive me Jesus, go across the floor where we were sitting and strangle his ass.
In all honesty if you're an actress or actor you know the amount of work goes into it, it is, emotionally and physically tiring and you feel some sort of way when someone tells you indifferent, it's your work, you should be mad or happy if someone doesn't like it, but it is what it is, you can not please everyone it's impossible. But if you only come in to see 10 minutes and you don't see the struggles, and I mean the struggles!!! between the lessons and rehearsals then I think you should KEEP YOUR MOTHERF- you know what.....never mind....I'm being stupid. I'ma go pray.
Knuckles.
Friday, 1 January 2016
How old????
December 25, 2015
One afternoon after University, I was on the Piccadilly line heading to my grandmas to meet up with my mum. For those who don't know what the Piccadilly line is, it's a train line name (in London), anyway, I got on and sat down looking up at the tube maps, like I do all the time. It's better to not make eye contact with anyone if I'm staring up and listening to my music, however, I screwed up that day. It was about 2.30, I know that much cause I was trying to beat the school kids before they get out of school, the train stopped at Finsbury Park, and like normal, people got on and people got off. One particular guy came on and sat next to door, I was on the other side of the carriage.
I messed up, I just so happen to pass his eye sight as he looked over at me, not thinking much of it, but it's awkward sometimes when you see someone watching you and this seems to happen quite a bit on the train with me. Anywhoooossss...
He walks over to my part of the carriage and sits right next to me on the left, where there was an empty seat and starts the conversation off with...
"Hi"
".....Hello" taking out my headphones
"you on a linking thing?"
Lets pause right there, I'ma do a Kevin Hart on that ass right here. I never knew I was giving off that type of impression to even be the type to go home with someone and if I was then I apologise.
"what?"
"you on a linking thing?"
"no.....hell no...no...no"
"how come, you don't like me?"
"....I don't know you fam" I laughed
"but you could get to know me"
"listen I am not the person to be talking to about that" All I'm thinking is for this train to hurry up and get to the damn station.
Again he asked me some personal questions like my age which I replied with at the time 'I'm 20 and you?"
"26" Lets pause again right there.
If you are 26 and still approaching someone with the line "are you on a linking thing?" you need to rethink your steps. PLEASE.
"you don't look 26 " cause he genuinely didn't.
"so you don't like me? I wanna take you out "
"like I said I don't know you and plus in order for that that to happen" which it wasn't "friend ship is required do you understand?"
"yeah, yeah"
"26 is a big age gap from 20 don't you think?"
"really do you think it's that big I don't"
".....it is..." I showed with my hands the gap I thought would be appropriate to this situation.
I gave him a chance to redeem himself, however, it did not prove to well,
"where you getting off at?"
"Wood green"
"me too" Damn, damn, damnnnnnn, one silent ride I wanted by myself but no. I gritted my teeth and said oh ok.
As we both got off the train he asked me if I had a boyfriend which I replied no, he asked why.
"I'm just coasting through my life right now, no need for it really" he nodded. I felt slightly uncomfortable for the mere fact that he watching me as I went up the stairs, and I knew he was watching me, there was no hiding it. Since that day I didn't see him again, thank you Jesus.
I honestly am probably a person at first glance you'd think she's very serious, but please, as a young woman I don't and I think a lot of women do not want to be approached with the first question of 'sex?', word to the wise, I am the type of person whose grown up on valuing your self and your womanhood, a person has a temple that they should take care of that, and I'm very strong minded, I am not easily led a stray, treat me like a human being, and don't expect that I have no morals. To the guy I met on the train....well...good luck, if age hasn't matured your trail of thinking, maybe experience will, let me be experience number 1, the 1 that didn't work out for you.
From Knuckles.
Please reload
For the love of friendship
For the love of friendship
September 18, 2015
It's not a bad thing, like a flower, they blossom and die eventually to be reborn again into something new. Friendships are kinda like that, whether you both stop speak to one another for a reason or it just eventually stops because both of you have created these lives around the other person, not without the other person. Cause in the back of your mind you will always have reminiscent memories of that person by the way you touch something or the interaction of another being.
My friendships of my past have been quite solid for a significant amount of years, until I realised the other day that it was not what it all seems. Some old friends have turned into some unfavourable characters. The only reason why I was unable to see it through my eyes is cause I thought they could do no wrong, well I was wrong.
When one friendship ends, its like a end of an era, you may feel upset, or just tired for the fact that you had to work hard in a friendship when in fact, it's a 50/50 thing, and you won't even realise how much you're there for one another until you recap, all the stupid little things and the big changes that has happened over the course of your bond. Don't let someone rule over you by asking you for nice things and then in the next breath telling your soul to the next mutual friend, don't abuse a power that you both equally have, you two will have splitting or like wise the same thoughts, its not right to overthrow someone's weakness. I'm telling you this from sister to sister, sister to brother that if they don't know you when you hungry, but they know you when you homeless...we have a problem. However, if your so called 'friend' that you love dearly is someone you cant see life going on without, be a woman, be a man, sit and talk, that's what people are missing nowadays. Elaborate on the situation that made you both come to this dark place in your relationship and compromise the solution. If that can't be resolved a hand shake, and a good luck will do as equally....gut feelings, don't surpass them, question them....
From:
Knuckles.
Her thoughts, my thoughts...
September 18, 2015
I was speaking to my best friend the other day over a hot chocolate and a some apple pie and custard....dont judge us... anyway, we both have been in predicuments with the boys of London. You might know the usual, those who are willing to be with you for their convenience, but when it comes to a long term situation....nah, none of that must be discussed between you two. In all honesty, I'm not a sucker for love, it is what it is.
she asked me "Khad when are we going to find a good man in our lives, I'm tired of this man"
"fam relax, it'll happen when it happens, it just might not be our time yet"
I'm not in a rush for a relationship *fact* (I am not in one) lets say I'm on cruise control like Saints Row (gamers will understand that).
Anyway, I cant count how many times we've had this conversation, truth is, I dont know when, where and how it will happen, I might be 90 and find the person whose the other half of me I just dont know. The fact that I'd still be breathing at that point will be the bonus for me.
I'm in no rush. I have no worries, just like you, yep you my sister or brother, the one whose reading this, have nothing to worry about finding love if its not happened to you yet. Cause you know everything takes time in the hands of the universe. We all are intrigued in other peoples relationships due to the exposure of what should be their privacy, yet, I catch myself scrolling past two people showing their affection to one another on camera. Let me be real with you for a second, I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but when I see about 7 different pictures for you and your partner thats a bit of a problem, take note, I'm not the only eyes thats observing your movements....ya get me? For those who observe and ask the question 'why not me', take another note: not all is glitter and shinning, behind closed doors is a different game. Be mindful and conscious to what you expose of your private life....and I'll even take my own advice on this one.
And for my beauty that I call a sister and my bestfriend, like I always say the right person is always around the corner.....
From:
Knuckles.
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