My first….

Club experience….don’t get it twisted….

Freshly in University and I was semi excited cause it was a new adventure for me and it must have been two months in I believe because it was near Christmas.. or maybe that was another time but anyway, we decided or let me rephrase that….my friends decided that we should go out to a club in Central London, my two friends live near campus and this was basically the first time for us all having our own sleep over, wow…. that sounds weird, but oh well.

The night started off, I had these heels, brat heels as my friend called them because they literally looked like something the brats would wear if you ever played with that toy, I took my fast self and bought them knowing I couldn’t walk in them. I’m 5’6 so I don’t really need it but it seemed different at the time. I have small ankles, so the strap needed another whole in it, naturally you would probably get a thin needle or something or pierce the whole with the buckle. No, not me. I took my friends big ass scissors thinking I was in control and just practically cut half the strap off. I had to look up at the ceiling like it was gonna give me the answers.

My friend and I oddly enough, saw something on YouTube about making a top out of tights, cheap as hell that what happens when you’re a student but anyway, we both ended up wearing these ‘tights top’….’top that’s tights’ you get what I’m saying, and I thought we looked good, took a couple pictures all four of us and then we headed out. The struggle started.

We took the wrong bus.

I’m sitting here laughing to myself, one of my friends sat downstairs, whilst the rest of us sat upstairs, I didn’t think it was right but during the journey I decided to go downstairs to check up on her. She ended up explaining the story about her going upstairs one time and she had shopping, and as her stop came I guess the bus was coming to a halt and as she made it near enough to the middle she dropped down the stairs-

“and that’s why Khadija, that is why I don’t go upstairs” I sat there rubbing my chin and then tapped her on the shoulder, this was a great start going to the club and hear this story….just…fantastic.

“I will even hold your hand, or I’ll stand behind you so if you drop I drop how about that”

“no I’m not coming up there”

So I was sort of stuck downstairs, I didn’t mind cause she’s such a sweet soul. Ok, so the bus stops and says it terminates here. My two friends come down the stairs struggling in heels. We get off the bus, I have that one friend who was turnt and I don’t mean drunk talking to the bus driver. Resulting her having an argument with the African man, although he was rude to say the least, but all we could do was laugh.

She came of the bus cussing. Still struggling I put on my heels and we walk to the centre of Trafalgar Square to meet up with someone else we go to University with and her friend. I never knew this but we had to pay to get into the club, so I had enough money on me anyway, but the others didn’t so we went to the cash point, there goes point number two that one friend who hasn’t got enough money, we all pitched in and handed her 5 pounds to get in, there we found a nice promoter….*sigh* flirting, kind words, and he was handsome. We ended up following him to the office where they sell tickets and all that, he said he’d be able to get us in to some other clubs, I think we took an offer but ended up going to the same club we were initially going to anyway. Skipping, skipping we went to the club it was ok, wasn’t great, came back out at probably 1.

Hell.

“you know what I’ma tell them about themselves-“ some other bits got lost in translation as we bolted for the reception of the promoters to the clubs in the square. I’m the friend that’s always tired and I was ready to go to bed. I’m sure people thought “look at these angry b*tches”

“I’m not being funny but I want my money back, it was crap and your man said it was going to be good and well-“

Here came the problem, my friend got into a mad argument with the woman behind the counter, people walking past like we crazy, promoters coming in trying to see what the fuss is, even one came in and tried and I mean he really tried to stop the argument.

“I’m not talking to you! you see me talking to this woman here do you see me having the conversation with you” I tell you this….my squad, was weak right now I won’t lie, we were genuinely weak!. I turned around, one was looking at pamphlets, PAMPHLETS!, the other one was about to choke this woman down and then the other interrupted by saying-

“I’ma about to throw up” and she ran out the office………….I…..I didn’t even know what was happening the team was falling apart so quick.

“What’s going on here?” a guy stood next to me and all I could respond with is.

“I have….no Idea…I just want some food and my pillow man”

“You!” who walks in the office at the right time, the promoter we spoke to.

“I told you guys it was a bad club you should of listened to me, what do you need you want to go to somewhere else” we couldn’t even do that, my friend called to say she was in KFC so we left in a hurry. Somehow we ended up in McDonalds after one of them had a hissy fit and said she wanted to sit down, another set of promoters walked up to us and asked us what we were doing tonight, and at the same time my friend yelled

“I’m tired! And my feet hurt!” and I swear on my life she walked into McDonalds like a child who just got sent to the naughty step, even the promoters looked at her like… ‘da’ f*ck’

“I’m sorry she aint from here, we gonna get her a happy meal she’ll be good” I sneaked past them and walked into the restaurant.

We ordered something to eat, whilst an old man gave the broke friend a rose. She still didn’t even look happy! I’m just laughing at the events that took place, it was just too….weird and I’m a person of comfort I like being at home. So we got the bus and headed back to my friends flat……..all I remember at the end of that night is me and the ill friend saying-

“Khad look at you and that big mac, just sitting there” I sat near the radiator sadly, eating this big mac that weren’t even big, and I think that was the most disappointing thing of the whole night. I…..well….yeah. It hasn't stirred me off clubbing, but it sure was an interesting night.

 

From knuckles.

 

 

There’s something different when you turn 21.

Recently my friends and I did a play for a group of year 9 girls. Obviously, I was one once upon a time, my friend face timed me and asked if I would help out. I’m pretty sure I asked her

“How do we even do this, I don’t even know how they act now” tell a lie, I know in some sense. However, there’s a limit. I know that there is a huge difference between when I was in secondary to now where the girls are a little more in tuned with life struggles than I was.

I was the good girl, always did my homework, always on time, always polite. I never really had a bad bone….probably not till I hit year 10 and 11, I was still a good girl getting the grades, but I was probably a little more comfortable with myself and my own mind.

“I don’t even remember some of the things I would even say at that time man” I said to Starr. We all explained what type of person we was back then, between the mischievous, and trouble makers I think that we ended up being near enough the same person we once was. Weird, we could be whatever we wanted and we near enough was the mirrored reflection of our former selves, and thinking about it we came a long way. All three of us never went to the same secondary schools, but none the less we had our separate experiences that carved our behaviour, I guess experiences is what carved our trail of thoughts.

I hope that we were able to at least speak to the year 9 girls that are heading off in this life and not knowing how quick it will come up on you. Maybe not today, not tomorrow or the week after that but you will think back at the situations that you came across at 13 or 14 and laugh, it’s a crazy place to be. Just don’t lose yourself on the path of pressure, that’s what it seems like society is leading people down nowadays. But you might not know that now, not to worry, plenty of time to learn.

From knuckles.

One of those days....

I......was at a point where I was too tired to even comprehend myself, think about it like this, if you're in university you will understand, you have about 12 weeks possibly in a term, and you're on the 10th week. For most people, this is the point in the term where you crack down and take things more serious than you do in the other weeks, only cause the 11th week is the exam. For us, in Performing Arts this was making us become a lot more agitated in lectures.

I remember, we just had finished presenting our piece of work, and our lecturer was giving us feedback, I was happy enough for us to receive, we needed it. However, my lecturer....after 10 weeks worth of feedback, to change, flip, make different, swap characters, move around, and make our work less naturalistic than need be, he said this one line

"oh come on guys *he laughs* I feel like I'm the only one whose giving any ideas"

Pause.







WHAT THE F*CK ARE YOU TALKING BOUT????, I was about to....forgive me Jesus, go across the floor where we were sitting and strangle his ass.
In all honesty if you're an actress or actor you know the amount of work goes into it, it is, emotionally and physically tiring and you feel some sort of way when someone tells you indifferent, it's your work, you should be mad or happy if someone doesn't like it, but it is what it is, you can not please everyone it's impossible. But if you only come in to see 10 minutes and you don't see the struggles, and I mean the struggles!!! between the lessons and rehearsals then I think you should KEEP YOUR MOTHERF- you know what.....never mind....I'm being stupid. I'ma go pray.

Knuckles.

How old????

 

December 25, 2015

 

One afternoon after University, I was on the Piccadilly line heading to my grandmas to meet up with my mum. For those who don't know what the Piccadilly line is, it's a train line name (in London), anyway, I got on and sat down looking up at the tube maps, like I do all the time. It's better to not make eye contact with anyone if I'm staring up and listening to my music, however, I screwed up that day. It was about 2.30, I know that much cause I was trying to beat the school kids before they get out of school, the train stopped at Finsbury Park, and like normal, people got on and people got off. One particular guy came on and sat next to door, I was on the other side of the carriage.

I messed up, I just so happen to pass his eye sight as he looked over at me, not thinking much of it, but it's awkward sometimes when you see someone watching you and this seems to happen quite a bit on the train with me.  Anywhoooossss...

 

He walks over to my part of the carriage and sits right next to me on the left, where there was an empty seat and starts the conversation off with...

"Hi"

".....Hello" taking out my headphones

"you on a linking thing?"

 

Lets pause right there, I'ma do a Kevin Hart on that ass right here. I never knew I was giving off that type of impression to even be the type to go home with someone and if I was then I apologise.

 

"what?"

"you on a linking thing?"

"no.....hell no...no...no"

"how come, you don't like me?"

"....I don't know you fam" I laughed

"but you could get to know me"

"listen I am not the person to be talking to about that"  All I'm thinking is for this train to hurry up and get to the damn station.

Again he asked me some personal questions like my age which I replied with at the time 'I'm 20 and you?"

"26" Lets pause again right there.

If you are 26 and still approaching someone with the line "are you on a linking thing?" you need to rethink your steps. PLEASE.

"you don't look 26 " cause he genuinely didn't.

"so you don't like me? I wanna take you out "

"like I said I don't know you and plus in order for that that to happen" which it wasn't "friend ship is required do you understand?"

"yeah, yeah"

"26 is a big age gap from 20 don't you think?"

"really do you think it's that big I don't"

".....it is..." I showed with my hands the gap I thought would be appropriate to this situation.

I gave him a chance to redeem himself, however, it did not prove to well, 

"where you getting off at?"

"Wood green"

"me too" Damn, damn, damnnnnnn, one silent ride I wanted by myself but no. I gritted my teeth and said oh ok.

As we both got off the train he asked me if I had a boyfriend which I replied no, he asked why.

"I'm just coasting through my life right now, no need for it really" he nodded. I felt slightly uncomfortable for the mere fact that he watching me as I went up the stairs, and I knew he was watching me, there was no hiding it. Since that day I didn't see him again, thank you Jesus.

I honestly am probably a person at first glance you'd think she's very serious, but please, as a young woman I don't and I think a lot of women do not want to be approached with the first question of 'sex?', word to the wise, I am the type of person whose grown up on valuing your self and your womanhood, a person has a temple that they should take care of that, and I'm very strong minded, I am not easily led a stray, treat me like a human being, and don't expect that I have no morals. To the guy I met on the train....well...good luck, if age hasn't matured your trail of thinking, maybe experience will, let me be experience number 1, the 1 that didn't work out for you.

 

From Knuckles.

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For the love of friendship

For the love of friendship

September 18, 2015

 

 

 It's not a bad thing, like a flower, they blossom and die eventually to be reborn again into something new. Friendships are kinda like that, whether you both stop speak to one another for a reason or it just eventually stops because both of you have created these lives around the other person, not without the other person. Cause in the back of your mind you will always have reminiscent memories of that person by the way you touch something or the interaction of another being.

My friendships of my past have been quite solid for a significant amount of years, until I realised the other day that it was not what it all seems. Some old friends have turned into some unfavourable characters. The only reason why I was unable to see it through my eyes is cause I thought they could do no wrong, well I was wrong.

When one friendship ends, its like a end of an era, you may feel upset, or just tired for the fact that you had to work hard in a friendship when in fact, it's a 50/50 thing, and you won't even realise how much you're there for one another until you recap, all the stupid little things and the big changes that has happened over the course of your bond. Don't let someone rule over you by asking you for nice things and then in the next breath telling your soul to the next mutual friend, don't abuse a power that you both equally have, you two will have splitting or like wise the same thoughts, its not right to overthrow someone's weakness. I'm telling you this from sister to sister, sister to brother that if they don't know you when you hungry, but they know you when you homeless...we have a problem. However, if your so called 'friend' that you love dearly is someone you cant see life going on without, be a woman, be a man, sit and talk, that's what people are missing nowadays. Elaborate on the situation that made you both come to this dark place in your relationship and compromise the solution. If that can't be resolved a hand shake, and a good luck will do as equally....gut feelings, don't surpass them, question them....

 

 

From:

Knuckles.

 

 

 

 

 

For the lovers....

September 18, 2015

If there's one thing that I've heard that's realistic to a person such as yourself and me, be sincere and honest, when you put that into the universe, the universe will respond back to you.

 

Her thoughts, my thoughts...

September 18, 2015

 

 

I was speaking to my best friend the other day over a hot chocolate and a some apple pie and custard....dont judge us... anyway,  we both have been in predicuments with the boys of London. You might know the usual, those who are willing to be with you for their convenience, but when it comes to a long term situation....nah, none of that must be discussed between you two. In all honesty, I'm not a sucker for love, it is what it is.

she asked me "Khad when are we going to find a good man in our lives, I'm tired of this man"

"fam relax, it'll happen when it happens, it just might not be our time yet"

I'm not in a rush for a relationship *fact* (I am not in one) lets say I'm on cruise control like Saints Row (gamers will understand that).

Anyway, I cant count how many times we've had this conversation, truth is, I dont know when, where and how it will happen, I might be 90 and find the person whose the other half of me I just dont know. The fact that I'd still be breathing at that point will be the bonus for me.

I'm in no rush. I have no worries, just like you, yep you my sister or brother, the one whose reading this, have nothing to worry about finding love if its not happened to you yet. Cause you know everything takes time in the hands of the universe. We all are intrigued in other peoples relationships due to the exposure of what should be their privacy, yet, I catch myself scrolling past two people showing their affection to one another on camera. Let me be real with you for a second, I'm not saying that it's a bad thing, but when I see about 7 different pictures for you and your partner thats a bit of a problem, take note, I'm not the only eyes thats observing your movements....ya get me? For those who observe and ask the question 'why not me', take another note: not all is glitter and shinning, behind closed doors is a different game. Be mindful and conscious to what you expose of your private life....and I'll even take my own advice on this one.

 

And for my beauty that I call a sister and my bestfriend, like I always say the right person is always around the corner.....

 

From:

Knuckles.